Oy, Veykenstein - I, Frankenstein Review

I, Frankenstein was better than it had any right to be. That said, it was still a long way from "good". Maybe it was Stuart Beattie, who was a second-time director and maybe unfamiliar with the intricacies of making a movie flow. Or maybe it was just that the movie was too short. Though, as the writer of the screenplay Beattie might also be to blame there.

Too short? Yes. If you take away the story, the action sequences in I, Frankenstein were actually fairly good. As were the special effects. Even most of the acting was fine. If the story had a bit more time to develop, I think the overall film would have come out better. As it stands, you are barely introduced to the characters before epic-scale fight sequences begin and the story starts to unravel.

That story is as follows: Frankenstein, played by Aaron Eckhart is drawn in to a fight between the Gargoyle order (headed by Miranda Otto's Leanore) and evil demons (headed by Bill Nighy, as Naberius). That's basically the end of the plot, other than a few other things that would essentially give the movie away. Suffice it to say that the Naberius really wants to catch and study Frankenstein. Meanwhile, Leanore and Frankenstein are both trying to avoid it.

There's good fight sequences, good effects, and Billy Nighy is amazing as always. He is the best part of the Underworld films, and brings his evil charm to this movie as well. Aaron Eckhart tries his damndest to care, but it's apparent that his heart just isn't in it. He does try to impersonate Christian Bale's Batman voice, but it doesn't come off too well.

This one gets a 2/5. Buoyed by the effects and Bill Nighy-ness of the movie. Had it been a bit longer, and you had a chance to care about the characters, it could have been a fine mediocre-film. Now, it's just a decent film to watch on a slow Netflix day.

Elysium - Ack...Poor People!

Neil Blomkamp is a good director. District 9 was a great movie made for practically $0 (in Hollywood standards), and did great at the box office. He was supposed to direct a Halo film, but that never took off, so he spent time directing and writing Elysium. Neil Blomkamp is not so great at writing.

Elysium suffers from a few plot holes that took me out of the movie a few too many times. Normally I can let it slide when something just doesn't make sense, but the holes here are so gaping it made it difficult for me to stay focused on the action, which really was quite good.

Elysium follows Max (Matt Damon), a rehabilitated ex-con who is now working as a low level button-pusher for Armadyne (I really love it when futuristic companies use "dyne" in them) a weapons/robotics/drone manufacturer. Bad stuff happens to Max and he has to get on to Elysium, an orbiting Halo-like object where 8,000 rich folks live away from the gross poor people, and where they have little medusa-like chambers that can heal any ailment, which is what Max now needs.

Armadyne is owned by John Carlyle (William Fichtner, who I continue to love). He hatches a plan with Delacourt (Jodie Foster), the Secretary of Defense to topple the Elysium government in exchange for Delacourt taking control of the government and Carlyle getting all the tasty government contracts that every weapons manufacturer desperately wants. Through some weird brain stuff that isn't really well explained, the plans get in to Max's head and now he has to get to Elysium to save himself, and his childhood sweetheart's kid, who has cancer.

Elysium is where the majority of my continuity issues take place. The world below is portrayed as a huge shit-hole, where everyone speaks Spanish, there are no jobs, and everyone is sick and dying, or on probation. Elysium is a high society place where they only listen to classical music and whenever an undesirable (read: poor person) appears, they freak out and run in to their fancy houses. These fancy houses are where they have their healing pods, which is what the poor folks want as well, because as stated earlier, most folks on earth are sick or diseased.

No one on Elysium has a home defense drone or robot. So when the poor folks break through their glass windows, they just waltz right in and with the help of some poorly explained DNA-scrambler get treatment. Home defense drones are the future. Get a home defense drone. It will prevent poor folks from getting in to your house and using your machines to fix their ailments. Poor people should all die. Duh, they are poor. That's the general consensus on Elysium.

There's also a main character, Spider (Wagner Moura), who I couldn't understand really well, but he was essentially a slum lord down on earth that makes money by smuggling people to Elysium. He helps Max get up there. Personally, if I was writing this thing out, I would have made Spider a former Elysium citizen, outcast due to his gambling habits or other generally frowned-upon activities, who helps the regular poor folks get back up to Elysium to help them and also get back at those no-good rich folks. That would have made for a much more dynamic and interesting character. Unfortunately, Spider isn't. But he's really good at yelling and acting dismayed.

That's really a writing issue though, which is where I had the most problems with the movie. Blomkamp does a decent job of introducing a futuristic world (though I take issue with pick-up trucks and Nissan GT-R's still being serviceable in the year 2154), but he doesn't do enough to flesh it out. Elysium is 109 minutes long. If it had an extra half hour, or even 15 minutes dedicated to explaining how Elysium was built (there were some physics things I took issue with that could have been explained in a few sentences), and giving a bit more depth to the various characters, the film would have been much, much better. As it is is though, Elysium is a decent action movie with good effects, but little else.

3/5 from me for good action, effects, and directing. I can't give it a better score though because the writing did detract from the greatness this movie could have had. I hope there's a director's cut in the future with an hour more of back story, but I doubt that will materialize, which is a damn shame. It's a neat premise.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation - Or: Plot Holes a-Plenty

This is going to be a quick one. I went to go see this out of boredom and boy is it an odd flick. The action is good, the 3-D is used mostly for depth (which is a good thing) with only a couple of "pop-out" moments. The acting is probably fine if you're just going in to this movie for the boom booms and the hoorah's.


Basically it's Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum, Bruce Willis, and from way the hell out of nowhere The RZA. None of the story line really makes sense. If I remember anything from the previous G.I. Joe movie (and I don't) there was a lot of emphasis placed on how Cobra Commander was a bad dude and his Cobra symbol was on terrorist flags and things. Why then does when (spoilers?) Cobra Commander come back does the entire world give one giant shrug when the Cobra symbols start popping up on the White House? 

The plot is like Swiss cheese, but if what you're looking for is to see Adrianne Palicki in short shorts, then this is the movie for you! There is however one action sequence on the side of a mountain that looked incredibly stupid in the trailer. In the movie however, it the action sequence is well shot, but incredibly stupid.

2.5/5 for me, high marks for action sequences. The Director Jon M. Chu, does an OK job with the script that he was given. Fun fact, his previous movie was Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. That should tell you most of what you need to know.

Gangster Squad - Like Watching Someone Play L.A. Noire

I went to see Gangster Squad last week and didn't have many expectations going in to the film. I knew Ryan Gosling was in it. I knew Ryan Gosling was pretty. I knew Emma Stone was in it. I knew Emma Stone was pretty. That's pretty much good enough for me (Josh Brolin really isn't my type).

Anyhow, Gangster Squad is the story of how a group of Los Angeles cops go off the clock and take down Mickey Cohen, a notorious L.A. gangster and not a nice Jewish boy like myself. The squad was started by Police Chief Parker (played by Nick Nolte), who selects Sgt. O'Mara (Brolin) to go outside the law and take down Micky Cohen (Sean Penn) by any means necessary. O'Mara selects few folks, including Sgt. Wooters (Gosling), and they go on a rampage taking down Cohen's business'. There's no spoilers in this blog post, but if you click on the Micky's wiki page above, you can see what happens to him.

I was pleasantly surprised by this flick. The cast that they assembled was really good, and it was a pleasant surprise to see Giovanni Ribisi pop up on camera. Emma Stone was gorgeous, as per usual, and Ryan Gosling's accent made me giggle whenever he spoke. I'm not quite sure what he was going for, but it was start contrast to Drive, where he spoke about 3 lines of dialog throughout the film. Drive, by the way was on of my favorite movies of 2011.

If you play video games or know someone that does, ask them about L.A. Noir. Watching Gangster Squad was very similar (in tone) to playing the game. You get a sense in both that the characters are all flawed in some way or another and Sgt. O'Mara specifically reminds me a lot of Officer Phelps from the game. Both come back from the war, and they don't know how to re-insert themselves in to normal, day to day life.

I give this a solid 3.5/5 and one of the only reasons I ding it is because at parts the story sagged a little. I'd have liked to learn more about Micky Cohen's rise to power. Plus there was a part of the movie where it looked like they either changed film types, or shooting styles, and it was a smidge jarring (most of the film looked a bit grainy to me, but the last few scenes were crystal clear).

Anyhow, go see it. It's lovely. And Emma Stone is Emma Stone, or Ryan Gosling is Ryan Gosling, wherever your interests lay.

Expendables 2: Electric Boogaloo

Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Statham, Li, Crews, Couture, Van-Damme, Willis, Lundgren, Norris...good times! There's really no reason to talk about the plot of this movie. In as few words as possible: Van-Damme steals a bunch of uranium (cliche); Willis sends in Stallone's team to get the uranium back (cliche); mayhem and bad puns ensue (cliche).

If you couldn't guess by the trailer, this movie isn't really about plot. It's about having everyone you know and love from the 80's and 90's and sometimes even 70's, in the same movie, kicking ass together. It's a blast. There's no point, there's no reason for them to be doing any of what they're doing, there's not even any great dialog (except when they each say everyone's catch-phrases to one another, which, by the way, is friggin' awesome).

Lets talk about the acting! Please read the opening line listing all of the films actors. OK great!

Anyhow, if you ever wanted to see a movie that is Van-Damme incredible, and you enjoyed the first Expendables, you should certainly watch this movie. It is more of the awesome same. Watching this movie made me want to take a week off and watch Bloodsport, Lone Wolf, Running Man, Rambo, and every other crappy action movie ever. It really is a blast of nostalgic past, and with Expendables 3 no doubt on the horizon, I can't wait to see which other folks they pick up. My vote is for Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, and maybe a former Bond, I'd love to see Pierce Brosnan or hell, why not, Sean Connery in a bad ass role, and lets throw in Angelina Jolie as an ass-kicking ninja hooker.

Expendables 2 gets a 2.5/5 (lets be honest, if you don't like action, there isn't much for you here; but if you do like action, this gets a 5/5 (a motorcycle gets shot at a helicopter...)!

Go see it, and if you have a dream cast for the all-but-inevitable Expendables 3, lets hear it!

The Bourne Legacy: More Like Leg-to-your-facey

First thing's first; The Bourne Legacy takes place at the same time as The Bourne Ultimatum. Also, it does not have Jason Bourne in it, except for in name. The main character here is Aaron Cross, played by the ever increasingly bad-ass Jeremy Renner (possibly the best thing to ever come out of Modesto, California). Aaron Cross is a member of Operation Outcome, which is similar to the previous films' Treadstone (of which Jason Bourne was a member) and Blackbriar (which was sent after Jason to silence him, after he threatened to expose them). If you're not familiar, all of those programs/operations are CIA Black Ops projects that are creating super duper field operatives.

Spoilers-ish, in this film the Outcome agents are treated with a virus that helps them increase their mental capacity and physical prowess by some percentage. This works out great for Aaron Cross because before joining the military he was a dummy! The army recruiter added 12 points to his IQ...durr. Anyhow one of the scientists involved in this virus engineering is Dr. Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz, who I've been in love with since The Mummy). Aaron and Marta's paths cross (get it?) and they go off in search for a stem cell that can help Aaron's character stay smart indefinitely. 

The main bad (or good, depending on your political/conspiracy leanings) is Eric Bayer (Edward Norton, who is great and I wish he'd make more movies instead of being a selfish brat and only making things he "believes" in...ugh). His role is basically the same one that was played by Joan Allen (as Pam Landy) in the other Bourne movies, he's trying to find Aaron Cross before not so flattering information about the United States is released to the public.

Enough about plot. The movie's actually pretty cool, and the action set-pieces are great (much like in the Total Recall remake; however unlike the Total Recall remake, the dialog was not atrocious and non-action elements kept my attention). If you like action, and if you've seen any of the other Bourne movies and are looking in to this one, you are probably are, you should certainly see this movie. If you are cautious about throwing money away, you can see it in a matinee, but in a theater with the thundering surround sound is probably the way to go. I will say this: the car chase scene in this film takes place in Manila, and is very well done, as far as chases go, but will leave you wondering how in the hell they could shoot there (it looks a smidge crowded). 

This guy gets a 4/5, all-around good flick, good action, and Jeremy Renner getting another franchise to be a part of is good news for everyone. I think the next movie, "The Cross Identity" (probably), will start with Rachel's character being found face-down in a plate of Pad Thai somewhere off the coast of Thailand, and Cross teaming up with Jason Bourne to take down the baddies (or goodies). I'm very excited about this!  

*EDIT* There's also a Moby song at the end of the film and everyone knows that the way to Yev's heart is through a Moby song.

Quick note about Total Recall as I will not be writing about it:

I give it 1.5/5. The 1 is for the CGI and action sequences, which are good, as long as no one is talking. The .5 is for the cast, I love Colin Ferrell and wish he would be in more stuff; Kate Beckinsale is always cute; Jessica Biel is kind of a bad-ass here which makes me think of her in Blade Trinity, which makes me happy; Bryan Cranston is not cooking meth, but plays a believable baddy nonetheless; and
Bill Nighy might be one of my favorite current Brits. All those folks are great, but their dialog is horrible, so you can go ahead and just re-watch the Arnold campy classic movie instead.

Hopefully this will re-set my ability to write these things and I'll get more out there. Not going to write one for Dark Knight. If you haven't seen it, you're an idiot and should go. As always, comment/share/suggest! 

Movie Digest - Avengers, Men In Black 3, Dark Shadows, Wrath of the Titans (in order of watchability)

I haven't posted in a little while and was asked today why I hadn't written about the Avengers. Well, it's simple really. What else could I say about it? The common wisdom has been that you should go see it, so if you haven't...go now! I have seen a few other movies lately, here's a quick rundown of what I have seen as of late:

1. Avengers - Go see this movie. Its really that simple, it's expertly done. Joss Whedon (the director [also of Cabin in the Woods fame]) does an incredible job of adding comic book elements into a fast-paced action film.   It has all of your favorite superheroes, Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, Samuel L. Jackson, The Hulk, and Scarlet Johansson's ass in tight pants. See? All your favorites! Just go watch it, it doesn't really need a review, but its a solid 5/5.

2. Men in Black 3 - The third installment in the Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith franchise is a bit too light on the Jones, but is still heavy on the comedy. This film follows Will Smith's Agent J as he goes back in time to kill an assassin that wants to erase Jones' Agent K from the future. The younger K is played by Josh Brolin and he does an impeccable job of channeling the Tommy Lee Jones-isms, including the signature facial expressions and speech patterns. This is a good fun action flick, but I couldn't remember the second movie too well, so I can't comment too much on the continuity, but its worth seeing if you have an extra $10 and want an excuse to eat some popcorn. This one gets a 3.5/5 (points deducted for being a tad long, and starting off a bit flat).

3. Dark Shadows - Not Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's best collaboration. The movie itself isn't too bad, but some of the writing and the general tone of the movie felt "off". It was a bit hard to follow and switched from comedy, to serious, to comedy, to horror-ish movie willy nilly and made it hard to really get into the groove of the movie. Top marks go to Chloe Grace Moretz who plays a teenage Collins girl living in the old Collins estate. The movie is about Barnabus Collins (Depp), a vampire coming back from being imprisoned in a coffin for 200 years by a witch (Eva Green) who has a crush on him that she just can't seem to get over. That is basically the plot, the witch is in love with Barnabus and since the love is unrequited, she kills his lady-love and turns him into a vampire for all eternity. Beyond that there's very little twisting and turning and the plot of having to save the Collin's Canary from going under so that they can keep their business up and running is a bit light on excitement. This one gets a 2.5/5, you should see it at home, if there's nothing better on.

4. Wrath of the Titans. If you thought the first one was bad, this one is even worse. I have no idea how they got Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson to come back for a second shoot, but I imagine it involved a lot of money and the promise of prostitutes. The best part of this move was Bill Nighy, who has a minimal role, but happens to be the highlight of any movie he is in. The story revolved around Zeus (Leeson) being imprisoned by Hades (Fiennes) so that Chronos can leech his power and come back to life. Persueus (Sam Worthington) has to save the day by doing impossible and random stuff, including going through a maze, which while it was interestingly designed and shot, was very confusing and hard to follow along with. You can skip this one, 1.5/5. Only see it if you need an excuse to eat butter and can only justify doing so by putting it on popcorn, and need to be watching something in order to do that.

As always, comments/suggestions/recommendations are welcome!

Ghost Rider 2 (Why do I keep doing this to myself?)

I let Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance happen to me last night. I don't feel good about it. I wish I didn't let it happen, but in the end, it was my own fault. Much like the first Ghost Rider, which was widely thought of as one of the worst comic book movies of the last decade. It turns out that Ghost Rider made just enough money to be green-lit for a sequel and that is what Colombia Pictures and Imagenation Abu Dhabi (yup), released this weekend.

If you take out Nicolas Cage (who is a wild card), the cast of the movie is actually pretty good! We have, Anthony Head (Buffy, Repo! The Genetic Opera), Christopher Lambert (Highlander, Mortal Kombat, everything on Syfy), Idris Elba (The Wire, Thor, 28 Weeks Later), plus a bunch of other folks. Then you have Nic Cage. Who is, probably one of the best-worst actors of our time. When he's good (Lord of War), he's great, but when he's bad (Season of the Witch), he's spectacularly bad! I feel bad for Nic Cage, because of his recent financial troubles, and I understand he needs to keep working in order to maintain his lifestyle, and keep some of his homes. I get it. But shouldn't quality mean more sales and income instead of quantity? Apparently not.

Anyway, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance is about Johnny Blaze (Nic Cage), who still has the demon rider inside of him, but wants to get him out. Some stuff happens and the anti-christ is born, and he has to save the anti-christ, or else he will become the anti-christ and then if he can do all that and stop the devil (Ciaran Hinds), then he can get rid of his demon. Or something like that, I started not to care after Johnny Blaze took over a quarry machine and made it throw fireballs.

Best part of the movie is the drunk monk, Moraeu (Idris Elba). He was funny, and liked wine, things I can relate to. Please do not see this movie only for Idris Elba's character. It is not worth it. Believe me.

I give it a 1/5. Honestly the only reason to see this is if you like Nic Cage and enjoy watching him at his most ridiculous, which I do, but even then it is very rough.

Leave comments/suggestions/whatevers.

One-Upping (The Importance of the Underworld and Resident Evil Franchises)

It is not secret that I am a fan of pretty much any movie that can keep my attention for over an hour. I've seen a lot of movies that I haven't had a chance to write about in the last month or so: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, The Adventures of Tintin, Hugo, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. All of them were great, although if I had to pick a favorite or three I would say that Hugo, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and Dragon Tattoo were incredible! That brought the end of 2011 in terms of movies, and it was a great ending!

I started 2012 off with a movie that is right up my alley, a dumb action movie that is the 3rd (or 4th, depending on if you count it) installment in a franchise, Underworld: Awakening! As far as the movie goes, it takes place after the events of Underworld: Evolution. Vampiric Death Dealer Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Vampire/Lycan Hybrid Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman) are on the run after killing the Vampire coven leaders who had marked them both for death. Awakening starts with the purge, when humans were made aware of the Vampire and Lycan threat and have gone on an offensive in order to kill both species. Selene and Michael get separated and Selene is held hostage for 12 years where she is kept in stasis, she awakens (get it?) and learns that almost all vampires and lycans were killed during the purges. She then meets "subject two", a young girl who is also a hybrid, much like Michael. Subject two gets kidnapped and the story follows Selene working with a still functioning coven to try and recover the  girl.

The movie was fine, in the grand scheme of things and it deserves some praise for effects and camera-work. I saw it in 3D and the entire movie looked really good, with the 3D adding to the action and never being over-the top. I give it a 3.5/5 and can't wait to see the next one!

I did make an observations while I was in the theater though. One of the the trailers that I saw was for Resident Evil: Retribution. It had one of the best trailers I had seen in quite a while! It reminded me a lot of the Resident Evil: Apocalypse trailer, which is one of my favorite trailers of all time. That got me thinking about the parallels of the Underworld and Resident Evil movies. Both franchises started around 2002 (RE) and 2003 (Underworld). Both movies have very strong female leads, Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil, and Kate Beckinsale in Underworld. Both are supernatural, with Resident Evil dealing with zombies and infectious diseases and mutations, and Underworld tackling good old fashioned battle between Vampires and Werewolves. Both have marriages driving the franchises, Resident Evil being helmed by Paul W.S. Anderson who married Jovovich in 2009, and Underworld with Len Wiseman, who married Beckinsale in 2004. Both are crazy, dumb, fun, and visually intense actions movies. Both are now being shot in 3D and have great CGI graphics, stunts, and special effects. Both have questionable writing! Despite the questionable writing, both will keep you engaged for over an hour.

There really is no point to that observation, other than that both franchises, while very different, drive the supernatural action/horror/unintentional comedy genre and play off of each other in order to one-up the graphics, fight sequences, explosions, violence, and questionable writing. Its a great little franchise duel to watch! I can't wait to see what Resident Evil 9 and Underworld: The Taper-offering will be like and what affect (if any) it will have on other franchises!

As always leave comments/suggestions or if you have movies you'd like me to watch and write about, let me know!