Expendables 2: Electric Boogaloo

Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Statham, Li, Crews, Couture, Van-Damme, Willis, Lundgren, Norris...good times! There's really no reason to talk about the plot of this movie. In as few words as possible: Van-Damme steals a bunch of uranium (cliche); Willis sends in Stallone's team to get the uranium back (cliche); mayhem and bad puns ensue (cliche).

If you couldn't guess by the trailer, this movie isn't really about plot. It's about having everyone you know and love from the 80's and 90's and sometimes even 70's, in the same movie, kicking ass together. It's a blast. There's no point, there's no reason for them to be doing any of what they're doing, there's not even any great dialog (except when they each say everyone's catch-phrases to one another, which, by the way, is friggin' awesome).

Lets talk about the acting! Please read the opening line listing all of the films actors. OK great!

Anyhow, if you ever wanted to see a movie that is Van-Damme incredible, and you enjoyed the first Expendables, you should certainly watch this movie. It is more of the awesome same. Watching this movie made me want to take a week off and watch Bloodsport, Lone Wolf, Running Man, Rambo, and every other crappy action movie ever. It really is a blast of nostalgic past, and with Expendables 3 no doubt on the horizon, I can't wait to see which other folks they pick up. My vote is for Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, and maybe a former Bond, I'd love to see Pierce Brosnan or hell, why not, Sean Connery in a bad ass role, and lets throw in Angelina Jolie as an ass-kicking ninja hooker.

Expendables 2 gets a 2.5/5 (lets be honest, if you don't like action, there isn't much for you here; but if you do like action, this gets a 5/5 (a motorcycle gets shot at a helicopter...)!

Go see it, and if you have a dream cast for the all-but-inevitable Expendables 3, lets hear it!

The Bourne Legacy: More Like Leg-to-your-facey

First thing's first; The Bourne Legacy takes place at the same time as The Bourne Ultimatum. Also, it does not have Jason Bourne in it, except for in name. The main character here is Aaron Cross, played by the ever increasingly bad-ass Jeremy Renner (possibly the best thing to ever come out of Modesto, California). Aaron Cross is a member of Operation Outcome, which is similar to the previous films' Treadstone (of which Jason Bourne was a member) and Blackbriar (which was sent after Jason to silence him, after he threatened to expose them). If you're not familiar, all of those programs/operations are CIA Black Ops projects that are creating super duper field operatives.

Spoilers-ish, in this film the Outcome agents are treated with a virus that helps them increase their mental capacity and physical prowess by some percentage. This works out great for Aaron Cross because before joining the military he was a dummy! The army recruiter added 12 points to his IQ...durr. Anyhow one of the scientists involved in this virus engineering is Dr. Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz, who I've been in love with since The Mummy). Aaron and Marta's paths cross (get it?) and they go off in search for a stem cell that can help Aaron's character stay smart indefinitely. 

The main bad (or good, depending on your political/conspiracy leanings) is Eric Bayer (Edward Norton, who is great and I wish he'd make more movies instead of being a selfish brat and only making things he "believes" in...ugh). His role is basically the same one that was played by Joan Allen (as Pam Landy) in the other Bourne movies, he's trying to find Aaron Cross before not so flattering information about the United States is released to the public.

Enough about plot. The movie's actually pretty cool, and the action set-pieces are great (much like in the Total Recall remake; however unlike the Total Recall remake, the dialog was not atrocious and non-action elements kept my attention). If you like action, and if you've seen any of the other Bourne movies and are looking in to this one, you are probably are, you should certainly see this movie. If you are cautious about throwing money away, you can see it in a matinee, but in a theater with the thundering surround sound is probably the way to go. I will say this: the car chase scene in this film takes place in Manila, and is very well done, as far as chases go, but will leave you wondering how in the hell they could shoot there (it looks a smidge crowded). 

This guy gets a 4/5, all-around good flick, good action, and Jeremy Renner getting another franchise to be a part of is good news for everyone. I think the next movie, "The Cross Identity" (probably), will start with Rachel's character being found face-down in a plate of Pad Thai somewhere off the coast of Thailand, and Cross teaming up with Jason Bourne to take down the baddies (or goodies). I'm very excited about this!  

*EDIT* There's also a Moby song at the end of the film and everyone knows that the way to Yev's heart is through a Moby song.

Quick note about Total Recall as I will not be writing about it:

I give it 1.5/5. The 1 is for the CGI and action sequences, which are good, as long as no one is talking. The .5 is for the cast, I love Colin Ferrell and wish he would be in more stuff; Kate Beckinsale is always cute; Jessica Biel is kind of a bad-ass here which makes me think of her in Blade Trinity, which makes me happy; Bryan Cranston is not cooking meth, but plays a believable baddy nonetheless; and
Bill Nighy might be one of my favorite current Brits. All those folks are great, but their dialog is horrible, so you can go ahead and just re-watch the Arnold campy classic movie instead.

Hopefully this will re-set my ability to write these things and I'll get more out there. Not going to write one for Dark Knight. If you haven't seen it, you're an idiot and should go. As always, comment/share/suggest!